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Valentine and the Sucker Punch!!

Am on a plane planning to put in 2 hours of hard work but every now and then, I get distracted by the ‘I wuv you,no-i-wuvv-you-more’ going on in the seats next to me. These two kids born in 90s to some seemingly very rich parents (because these not-yet-earning kids are planning to go to Bali!) are planning how to spend their Valentine’s Day.

Ewww!! 30 Years of my existence and Valentine’s Day continues to give me jitters. How is it that more and more people are becoming sillier every year? It is against the fundamental principle of evolution. I am pretty sure evolution has started working backwards now. People were supposed to become smarter and instead Valentine’s Day plans became larger than life! Every year, Valentine gets bigger, and more men succumb to this continuous pressure. Before any of you ladies point out that you also get something for your lovely lads, let me stop you right there. It’s just us here, and we need not take the high and mighty road. No lad is reading this. We can spill our secrets. And if you really do, good for you! Good for the economy! You just contributed some more to this silliness.

What I do on Valentine’s – I go out with all my single ladies and show them some love. Not because it is the Valentine’s Day. Not because it is a special occasion. Not because this is the only day we do this. Not because we are trying to start off a tradition.
Simply because I love watching all those couples making an idiot out of themselves! And my rant begins!

A friend who just started dating! That’s like a siren wailing right there in front of your eyes, and it is as numbing as it sounds. Steer Clear! These are the worst kinds. They were out there with you in their singlehood, making fun of all possible couples for being this crazy in love or going out of their way to express love on this pointless day. Yet she manages to go crazy herself this day. And you no longer know who this person is. Not only has she abandoned her theories, but she is also going to drive you nuts by being that mushy in love.

Guy friends who are suddenly under the limelight amongst their GF’s group and need to perform by giving the perfect Valentine gift. Dare it is anything less than perfect (basically any which way short of what her friend got) and they will be screwed. No action for a week minimum. That’s like a thousand years in guy speak. And worst of all, why do they all need to come and ask me what to gift their girl? You are the one dating her and you are the one getting all the hints! How on earth can I decrypt them? My suggestion is simple. Trump it all and gift her Valentine lingerie! Isn’t that genius of an idea? She gets to think he is all romantic and sweet and what an out of the box gift and guess who gets to enjoy it? Live up your fantasy dude! Here, is your chance. Make it look like a gift. But come what may; don’t come to me to decrypt their psycho hints. While you are it, buy me a cute pair of non-red knickers too. I too deserve to be pampered for going through this harassment. Maybe Clovia should send me a couple of free knickers for introducing this idea to the lads.

That 20-year-old girl In office. I would rather go for a Himesh Reshammiya’s Suroor Marathon than be around this one. These seven days of love are my seven days of torture. OH MY GODDDDD!! He sent me 100 red roses on Rose day!! Awwwww…How sweet is he, he sent me a box of my favourite chocolates on Chocolate Day! I say, share it you bitch or get lost!! Not only has he managed to waste an entire month’s salary on this so called Valentine’s Day gifts for her, but you must also realize you aren’t getting fancy dinners anytime soon for he bought roses instead. Good luck staying home every day while we all, the sane ones go out.

The Colour Red – Wish I was colour blind! Not kidding. From shops to malls to all accessible websites to even the smallest of grocery shops manage to turn Red in this month of crazy stupid love. At least, go shades of Red or mix it with Pink and to add drama, some Black maybe. Please. That much of Red never comes together. It’s like an International convention of all things Red.

My rant doesn’t end here. But the flight does where I saw the couple sitting next to me go crazy about Valentine. Wish they could take out two minutes from gazing into each other’s eyes to see what a literary masterpiece was born right here next to them. All thanks to them. (True Story!)


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